Make a mark.. 

  Once upon a time.. I bought a marker board to keep myself organized.. With 2 kids and an exchange daughter.. (2 of which were super busy all the time)..? 

YUP.. Our house was crazy busy.. 

So I found this marker board with slots for the days of the week.. It was perfect!!

..or so I thought.. 

You see.. After the first week of being organized? I started to slack off.. Just listing general activities.. 

Then slipped to weekly routines..

And then?

Ha.. Then names and messages started showing up. My exchange daughter signed her name.. And then her friend followed suit.. Then my niece added her signature (so I’d have it when she was famous).. 

Pretty soon? 

YUP.. Pretty soon there was no room left for a schedule.. In fact the schedule was erased .. 

When my exchange daughter flew home to Italy.. We couldn’t bear to erase the board.. Not one word.. 

Pinned underneath was a note from our very first exchange daughter..  All our pieces of heart.. All in one place..

 When our next exchange daughter signed her name to the board I smiled.. They all made their marks on our hearts.. so why NOT show it on our refrigerator too.. 

I think we all live our lives that way.. Wanting to make a mark on the world.. A mark SO IMPRESSIVE that no one will want to erase it.. 

A long time ago, I started out with grand ideas on how to do just that.. How to make my mark on the world. 

But then my life changed ..

My kids were born.. 

My youngest was born with Autism (and a splash of mood disorders).. So my career plans came to a halt.. And then a detour.. 

..my dreams of making a mark are still there.. 

But lately? Lately, I have been helping my daughter get ready for college.. And listening to my exchange daughters get ready for their exams.. 

ALL of them ready to make their mark on the world.. 

But the one you don’t see easily is my boy.. 

Behind the Autism.. And the smiles.. the quirks.. And the laughter.. Inside that boy lives a dream.. To be a farmer.. To get married .. To be a father.. To travel to Alaska and Egypt .. 

He EVEN has a checklist in his room.. complete with ages next to each goal.. 

You see? Even though his days are sometimes filled with anxiety and frustrations? Sometimes with more stumbles than successes? 

He WANTS to make his mark on the world.. A mark SO beautiful that NO ONE will want to erase it.. 

So my “mark” will wait.. While I help my kids make theirs.. 

Come sit…

img_0311My son is rumored to have “special” needs..

Ok.. I know he has Special needs.. With Autism and a Mood disorder ? I’m not in denial.

But sometimes? Sometimes I think my boy has things figured out better than I do..

You see? When my son is stressed? He takes himself off alone and does something he enjoys until he calms down. Most often that “something” is a campfire. He can sit for hours just watching the flames dancing in the fire pit. And with a content smile on his face, he will call out to me.. “Come sit..”…

But usually? Usually I am too busy.. Getting dinner around or cleaning it up afterward.. or there are emails to answer… book promoting tweets to copy and paste… research to search for… schedules to plan for..

Yes I know… it doesn’t sound like much.. but it seems like there is always something that needs to be done.

Last week I was sick.. and so tired. So I just sat down.. and read a book. NOT skimmed through a book.. but slowly read each page and enjoyed it. Slowly fell in love with each character.. resisted the urge to read the last page… read every descriptive word…

It felt….??

Refreshing… and I was oh so calm.

So why is it that we give up “refreshments” as moms? or even just as adults? Why do I feel like I have to sacrifice my favorite things to be a good adult? I was able to DO so much more that following day because I was content and clear minded…

So maybe my son does have special needs… but I still learn so much from him.