Last night.. a mom hurried onto the stage. It was late and she looked exhausted. But she took off her jacket and rolled up her sleeves and asked what she could do to help.

In that moment, I had a moment of clarity.

This mom was tired. She had just come from a commitment that involved small children .. and it was 8 pm. She really needed to go home and rest.

But yet?

She was ready to work to help the kids’ theatre stay on schedule …

Who was I to tell her to go home and take care of herself?

How could I tell her that when I can’t say ”no” to anything.

I can’t say “no”…

Anyone who knows me.. Knows that..

And when I get tired? Really, really tired?

.. my friends? They try to coach me ((once again)) on how to say “no”..

They tell me to spend some time on myself. To selfishly take care of myself for a few moment..

But that is not how I work.. I am the happiest when I am helping others.. when I am working towards making the world a better place for others..

..there are definitely days that are more full and more tired than others.. but I manage..

Even society tells us that good moms .. and especially moms with special needs kids.. need to be involved.. really involved..

AND .. every moment counts because they grow up so fast..

So I skip a calm moment for myself this time.. so that I can do one more task for someone else.

I skip all those moments for myself.. until I’m exhausted and my head is full of noises.

Julie noises..

.. wanting to write.. wanting to paint.. wanting to read.. desires to explore the world around me.. to create .. to write some more…

.. so many voices…

But there are things to be done.. responsible things..

Committees that ask for help.. chores that need to be done.. messes …

So I put my “noises” on the back burner.. and square my shoulders and head off to a meeting..

For holidays this year, I received 2 willow figurines as gifts.. I love Willow figurines and these both were beautiful as usual.

And they were to represent me..

The first .. Simple Joys.. represents my love to give things to others.. gifts of time, gifts of work, gifts of love.. all of the best of me..

This Simple Joy figurine? .. it very much represents the essence of me..

But the second?

The second was a gift from my daughter.. it is titled Shine..

Shine..

.. my daughter .. encouraging me to reach for my dreams.. to take time for myself..

..my daughter… the one I encouraged to always shine for herself.. now turning my words back to me..

.. giving me permission to think about my own needs…

But it feels so .. selfish.. to think of yourself ..

It seems selfish to take time away from making the world a better place.. take time away from helping others…

… just to write my thoughts down on paper…

Balance ..

Looking at these 2 figurines.. I realize I need balance…

Looking at the tired mom standing before me last night?

I realize we all need to find balance..

Balances between being selfless and being selfish..

… a balance somewhere between simple joys and shining…

.. the balance between the selfless and the selfish is where we will find our true self…

.. and then all that remains?

It’s to give ourselves permission to accept it.