..from the sidelines..

This week has been jam packed for me.

Ok .. this month has been jam packed for me.

Starting a new job… jumping into high school musical season.. trying to meet writing goals.. paperwork.. phone calls..

…Not to mention keeping the laundry up…

Soon enough?

Yup.. I’m exhausted and behind schedule..

But tonight I took a couple hours and just wore my “Mom” hat… I just sat on the sidelines of the action…. and watched..

Our high school does an annual Powderpuff football game.. and as is the tradition? Yup .. the boys dressed up as cheerleaders.

This year my son dressed up with them. And he cheered with them.

As most of you know.. my son has Autism .. and a splash of mood disorder.

But have I told you how this community has embraced my son. Embraced him and encouraged him. They challenge him to succeed and cheer on his successes…

… and my son has soared here..

Tonight?

Tonight my son did not need me. He did not want me to stand next to him. He did not NEED to hold my hand.

I did not need to stand in the trenches… the trenches of fighting battles within ourselves to move forward.

Tonight I was able to step back and watch my son from the sidelines. I was able to watch his confidence. I was able to see his joy and his independence. And his laughter…

In a world where the internet says how bad the world is?

I see a world where a senior class nominated my son for Homecoming court. Nominated my son.. a classmate who struggles to succeed every day.

I see a world where a senior class goes out of their way to make my son feel welcome on the Powderpuff field.

I see a world where a group of students will pause in the hall to talk with my son as he waits for his mom (who was running late)…

I see a world where my son felt safe enough to grow into an amazing young man..

…a world where my son has loved to go to school every day.. even though it was difficult for him to concentrate there. ..

Tonight as I took a break from my hectic schedule? I let the joy and peace from my son’s soul seep into me..

I don’t know how to thank so many people for the impact they have had on our family and most importantly on my son. They are ALL my heroes.

But I do know that today I enjoyed seeing my son be so Independent.. I enjoyed not being in the trenches of Autism…

As for my son… I’ll always be right here.. cheering him on from the sidelines..

Adventures..

Last night I took my son on an adventure. Honestly? It was the first adventure I had been on in awhile.

It wasn’t extravagant.

Actually.. it was the simplest of adventures. But it was amazing.

If I had to list the ONE thing that I thought was the least known about me? It would be how adventurous I am. I love to explore. I love to learn knew things, meet new people, explore new places..

In another time? I would have been a pioneer. Searching out new lands..

But as a parent of a child with special needs? (Ha.. actually? Just being a parent in general…) Parenting is an adventure in itself..

So for awhile? I didn’t have time for adventures.

But this week.. my soul called out for an adventure. I have been wanting to see the sunset on the big lake again.. over Lake Michigan. Something I hadn’t seen for a long time.

And I wanted something I thought my son would enjoy…

So I packed my camera.. and some extra clothes… some food for a picnic.. and we set out for the beach as soon as my crazy schedule allowed.

With a few unexpected delays.. and a 45 min delay in traffic… we arrived.. a little hungry .. and a little stressed..

But with the feel of the sand on my feet..

..and the breeze from the lake on my face..

.. the waves crashing against the shore..

.. I was relaxed within a few minutes..

And surprisingly…so was my boy…

We ate our picnic in silence as we watched the waves .. and he was completely calm.. like a peace had washed over him.

Then? Then, I talked him into taking off his socks and shoes and putting his feet in the water.. He was tentative at first.. worried it would be cold. But then he did something amazing .. he started to dance.

Often with Autism, simple things can seem overwhelming.. the beach can be too hot.. too loud.. too overwhelming…

As a parent of a child with Autism? I struggle with the balance between keeping him successful.. and challenging him to try new things. My adventure side always wants him to try new things.. but my realistic side? Well? I know realistically too many new adventures would stress him out..

But as the sun set last night? I watched a happy .. relaxed … giggling boy dance on the shoreline… jump waves with me.. asking me to take pictures..

If I had been cautious last night? If I had ignored my need for an adventure?

I would have missed seeing that happy, peaceful boy come out to play…

So with tears in my eyes I enjoyed those moments.. and these small hours will remain in my heart for a long time..

.. and I took a few more pictures..

…selfish…

When we go to camp with my family? Chances are some small animal will be captured within the first day..

That animal?

Whether it’s a frog or a toad.. a snake.. or once even a lizard… That poor animal will be handled from one kid to the next.. making each kid enormously happy.. and making the animal enormously stressed.

Fortunately most animals take the stress well and just learn to carry on.. and well? .. I’m sure they will hide better when they hear the pitter-patter of little feet.

In some ways I know how the toad in this photo feels…

I love to make people happy.. especially my family .. especially the little ones. So by taking the little Blessings in my life for fun rides.. walks.. to make sand castles… to hunt for small defenseless animals … and to make snacks.. ? Tell stories around the campfire…?

It feels good.. I love to see them happy. In fact?

In fact it seems selfish of me NOT to do little things to make them happy.. It seems so selfish not to use my time to make the lives of other people better and happier places. So I have always avoided being selfish..

And I am always happy with my choices..

But at times?

At times I think I know how that toad feels.. over handled.. tired.. desperately in need of a shower..

Just recently I have been learning that there is a difference between being selfish with your time..

…and taking time to care for yourself..

You see.. if I have to choose between doing something for my kids and doing something for myself..? I will pick my kids.. and squeeze reading for pleasure in between bedtime and 1 am.

But I often do too much .. for too many people.. and I just end up feeling tired.. and overhandled.. just like the toad..

Last weekend we went camping for the last time this summer. As everyone planned a kayak trip down river, my niece came to ask me if I wanted to go.

In the past? I would always Loan my kayak to someone else.. because after all..

it IS my kayak.. I could use it another time.

As I started to offer it to someone else, my niece scolded me. And said frankly.. ” You KNOW you want to go kayaking.”

You know what?

I really DID want to go kayaking.

So I loaded up my kayak.. and we went kayaking..

This was the laziest, slowest kayak trip I have ever been on.. I got to take 300 pictures (no exaggeration there).. my nieces and nephew decided on trying to kayak the “gondola” way.. we got stuck a few times..

We got a little sunburned as our 1 hour trip turned in to 2 hours.. or 3…

We laughed.. we sang songs (loudly and beautifully)… we counted how many times the gondolas tipped over… and we let the peace flow into our souls..

What about you? What have you done lately to take care of yourself?

**No animals were hurt in the making of this blog…