…balance..

I once heard that regrets taste the worst when you drink them with coffee in the morning..

I always thought it referred to … I don’t know… someone else.

But lately..?

Lately, I have really struggled with taking time to write. It seems so selfish to take time out to download my brain when my to-do list is piling up.

.. but I feel like my “to-do” list just goes in circles..

… and I feel like I’m half checked out..

…overwhelmed by all the things I need to do.. that I SHOULD be doing…

… distracted by my thoughts all piling up in my head.

And then I’m further behind than when I started… so it would be even more selfish to take time NOW…

((Insert Deep Sigh Here))

This morning..?

This morning as I started to do my more chores… ??

The power went out..

Unexpectedly…

.. the power company was “assessing for causes”…

…meanwhile…

I could not do any of the things on my to do list…

Soo.. after I got my son (who is distressed by power outages.. and who does not like the phrase “estimated” or “unknown”..) distracted with mowing the lawn…

I took my coffee outside .. with my notebook..

… and no excuses…

… no guilt..

…and I wrote..

…and for the first time in a long time… I had no regrets with my coffee…

Recently, I read that being so Selfless that you don’t take care of your Self.. is one of the most Selfish things you can do..

The first time I read that I laughed.

After all, being selfless is exhausting .. and well…? … you give up any idea of pleasing yourself..

In its very nature, the idea of being “so Selfless that it’s Selfish” doesn’t make sense.

But this morning?

As I drank my coffee, and found myself at ease ?

I realize that giving up so much of yourself.. selflessly… that you have nothing left to share?

You start to feel your spark disappear.. your focus… your enthusiasm…

… it all disappears until there is nothing left to share…

THAT is selfish …

…and I dislike being selfish..

So my goal today is to find balance..

.. a balance between living a useful life… living a life that makes a difference to the world…

.. and living a life that is worth living…

A life without regrets.

How will you drink your coffee?

One thought on “…balance..”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s