Category Archives: 2024

2024, family, grief, Life, Memories, mother, Uncategorized, Writing

Her nightgown…

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My mom’s nightgown is still hanging over the end of my bed. I brought it home in June because it popped a seam.. and I promised to fix it because it is her favorite nightgown.

I still have an open shopping list on my phone… things I was going to pick up for her.. including some photos she asked for..

The magazine clipping she cut out for me.. because she thought I would like it.. hangs on my refrigerator…

The blue flower shirt in my closet that she always asked to borrow…

In the garage sits the couch attachment I bought so that my mom could stand up from my couch ..

And then there is the voice mail she left.. that I can’t delete…

Every where I look … there are reminders of her.

It always seems like she is just in the other room… like she will call in another moment.

When I visit my dad.. her tea cups still sit on the counter..

… and it hits me … never again in my Earthly days will I make my mom another cup of chai.

Never again will I joke with her .. asking her if she would like some coffee…

… never again will she stick her tongue out at me and call me a brat…

That is.. not until I see her again in heaven.

But…

… I will also never again see her in pain.. or watch her struggle to walk with a walker.. or see her frustrated because she wants out of her wheelchair.

I will never again see her suffer.

But what I will see?

I will see my mom’s smile when I look into her grandkids’ faces.

I will remember my mom’s happiness whenever I find photos of her on my phone. (And believe me.. I have a “few”..)

I will see my mom in the gatherings we have.. in the circle of chairs around the campfire…

I’ll see her in the sewing lessons I give… in the way I teach family recipes …

I’ll see my mom in every blue car I pass… every bird I see… every butterfly that flits by…

… in every chai I drink..

Today as I carefully stitch my mom’s nightgown…

… because I promised her I would…

… a tear falls for every blessed memory I have that has her in it…

… and I have too many blessings to count.

I am reminded of A.A. Milne’s piece of wisdom.

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying Good-bye so hard…”

How lucky am I to have so many blessed memories with the woman I called “Mom”.

Even if those memories each bring a tear today… I wouldn’t trade a single memory.

This nightgown may be pretty wet by the time I finish mending it…

… but what a blessed girl I am.

2024, Life, Memories, Parenting, Uncategorized, Writing

Trading places…

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Years and years ago, in a small town in Michigan… not much further north than where I live now… sat a man… in his car… in a school parking lot.

… waiting for his daughter to get out of practice… (one practice or another)…

… just one of his seven kids… but definitely one of his more distractible children..

That daughter would hurry off toward the parking lot after practice.. but she was terrible at telling people she couldn’t help them or stop to talk…

As a result??

That daughter was often late getting to her Dad’s car.

Now that Dad… after working a long day of work… after waiting in his car for practice to get over…

… and after waiting for his daughter to make it to the car.. (and often waiting for more than just one of his kids)…?

That Dad would always greet his daughter with a smile.

A tired smile, at times, but always a smile.

That absent-minded daughter was me…

… and those rides home?

They were some of my best memories. My dad would ask me about my day.. ha… and then listen the rest of the way home as I told him in great detail.

I do not remember a single time of him reprimanding me for being late… I don’t remember a single instance of him asking me to be quiet… and I don’t remember a single time of him saying he was too tired to take me to or from practice.

(Now.. not to say that he never told me he was unable to take me. He was very busy.. and after all, he had six other children and a wife..

No.. there were plenty of times he COULD not give me a ride. But I never remember a time he WOULD not take the time to help us kids.)

At some point in our lives, we start trading places with our parents… Little by little…

Recently, I have started the process of trading places with my dad.

Instead of him waiting patiently for me to be done with practice…?

…it’s me in the waiting room, patiently waiting for word from his minor surgery to be done. …it’s me planning on bringing something to keep me busy while he is in an appointment.

It’s me… doing the patient waiting… and driving.

It isn’t very often right now… just every once in awhile.

But as parents, we are used to doing more for our kids… than we are used to asking for help..

A couple weeks ago, my dad apologized for “needing” rides… for disrupting my schedule, and “inconveniencing” me.

But not one part of me feels inconvenienced by being able to give my dad rides when he needs them.

But… When I explained that it is just a small repayment for all the rides and waiting he did for me and my siblings… ?

… he laughed. He laughed and told me that stage in his life was one of his favorite. He said he simply enjoyed every moment of each ride.

Part of me is so thankful to be able to repay all the rides he gave me… willing to change my schedule the way he always did for me.

But part of me…

… a really big part of me….

.. that part of me is really happy to just be able to ride in the car with my dad for a short period of time.. and once again tell him about my day..

So in this stage of trading places with my dad…?

… During this stage in my life, I plan on taking after my dad and enjoying every moment I have with him.