Growing up, we had a dishwasher.
For two girls who did the dishes for a family of nine? It was so cool..
…except …
Except for when my mom took it away.
Now.. I don’t remember the Reason why she took it away… exactly.. because, as is typical for young kids…?
I only remember the punishment.
And our punishment was to hand-wash dishes… until she was satisfied that we knew how.
We asked my mom to change her mind and let us use the dishwasher again..
..and she said “no.”
I remember promising to make sure every dish was clean before it got put away..
.. she smiled and said she knew I would .. because I would be hand-washing those dishes.
… the answer was still “no.”
So we hand-washed those dishes.
.. every day…
.. for … forever…
Then one Saturday? My mom left to go grocery shopping.. and I remember filling the dishwasher full of dirty dishes… and standing there impatiently willing it to run faster…
.. then as soon as it was finished running its cycle?
I hand dried all the dishes.. washing any that didn’t come clean.. drying out the dishwasher thoroughly… and even fanning it with a towel to cool it off..
When I was done? I was exhausted…
NOW?
Now, I know it would have been easier to just hand wash those dishes.
Sometimes, I think I haven’t learned that lesson still… That young girl showed me an important message..
…and I still don’t listen to what she is telling me.
Every day I pray .. I pray for my kids… I pray for their health.. I pray for their life… I pray for the plans they want or the plans we think will be good for them…
Basically, I am asking for God to give me the thing that we want on Earth.. if it’s according to His will…
Having a son with special abilities?
Most of the times, these aren’t selfish things..
Healing from one of my son’s surgeries, answers to autism puzzles… successful days at school…
.. an easy day every once in awhile…
… and similar prayers for my daughter… health and happiness .. and a little success on stage..
…but sometimes?
Sometimes, God says “no.”
Most of the time I accept that .. but occasionally I ask again.. wondering if I promise to be extra good.. if that will change the Almighty’s mind…
When the answer is still “no?”
Then I just keep on going down the path set before me… no matter how hard it is…
But I admit…
.. sometimes on a Saturday morning? I try to make “my plans” work and do it my way. I load that “dishwasher” full of good intentions and hard work.. and wait impatiently to see if it will finish working… before God returns and sees that I ignored His answers…
… but at the end of the day?
It’s exhausting!
.. and it would have been easier to hand-wash those dishes.
Today, I was standing in Barnes & Nobles talking about my books .. and I realized that I incorporated that lesson in my storylines …
.. I show Emma praying for the easy way out… praying to make everyone happy even if it isn’t what she wants… praying for loved ones to come home without the answers they need…
… and then praying for the strength to handle all the extra work and stress she causes herself…
.. I can write it into the pages for Emma … but I still struggle to write that lesson into the pages of my life..
Instead of doing the things God has laid before me.. in a slow patient fashion.. I continue wanting to do my things .. my way…
I guess I can learn a lot from 9 year old me…
What about you? What do you do when the answer is “no?”
As we traveled home from dropping my daughter off at her first apartment, we pulled off on a scenic overlook.
Here was a tree who had lived in an environment full of difficulties and right next to a turbulent body of water.
Jules Nelson 