Tag Archives: Life

.. thrive

img_0574As we traveled home from dropping my daughter off at her first apartment, we pulled off on a scenic overlook.

High on a hill overlooking the beautiful Lake Superior, the colors were vibrant.. the lake was calm… The whole area was stunning.

Everything was thriving.

Except one tree…

There in the middle of all the green trees.. in the midst of the green grass growing high… right next to one of the largest supplies of fresh water in the world… ??

Right there was a very brown, very dried up tree.. The brown was such a contrast to the greens around it, that you couldn’t help but notice it.

As I snapped a few pictures of it, I wondered what was eating at it. This tree couldn’t thrive in the most optimal environment.. so something had to be eating at it.

I enjoyed the view for another moment and then continued down the hill to the beach below.. img_0591

The lake was unusually calm.. and it was a beautiful place to take pictures..

As I tried to get artistic with a pile of rocks, my foot came to rest next to a stump in the sand. At first, I thought it was a rock and tried to move it… but it wouldn’t budge.

So I shifted my footing and snapped a picture of it.

A stump… from a tree… that had survived and grown on a sandy beach. No dark rich soil.. No minerals and nutrients… nothing to shelter it from the winds.

As I pushed on the stump again, I could feel how solidly the roots were planted still.

img_0676 Here was a tree who had lived in an environment full of difficulties and right next to a turbulent body of water.

And yet?

Yet.. this tree dug its roots down deep.. deep enough to hold on and thrive for a number of years.

Again my attention was drawn to the brown tree on the hill.

So often we are like these trees.

Some of us are planted in fertile soil.. in a beautiful environment… with so many blessings…

Yet?

And yet… we let things eat at us. Anger.. disappointment… something from our past that we feel like we can’t let go of… Something that has a deep hold on us..

But those things eat at our roots.. and steal the joy from our lives if we let them control us.

When we let those things go?

When we let them go.. they can’t control us anymore. And we can thrive…

I have met a number of people in my life… who are like the stump on the beach. Some of them were parents of kiddos with extreme special needs. Some were people with the most horrific childhoods.. Some survived diseases.. some survived without parents…

But… ?

But they ALL survived…

What stood out about these people?

They stood on the shores of those turbulent waves… they dug their roots down deep…

..and they survived…

In fact?

They didn’t JUST survive.. With smiles on their faces.. and counting their blessings … and reaching out to help others… They were thriving…

I snapped a couple more pictures and thought about my daughter that we just dropped off at college.. I thought about my son that stood there beside me… We have no idea what the future holds for either of them. We have no idea where the future will take either of them…

A smile came to my face as I whispered a prayer for them.

My prayer? … as I sat there in the sand?

My prayer for my kids is that they will thrive wherever they are planted …

… my smile?

My smile is because I believe they will…

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Cousins weekend…

Ever since my family moved home to Michigan, I started a new tradition where I picked one weekend, over the summer, and invited all of my nieces and nephews to my house for a sleepover.

Now.. one of my nephews was too old to enjoy this.. and.. some were too young..

..but every year I get a few to come..

Ha! By a “few”.. I mean 10 or more..

This year.. I had 18 kiddos at my house..

Age range .. 4 years to 20!

Doors were left open… noses were skinned… heads were bonked… snow cones were spilled.. a bean bag lost its beans… shaving cream in the eyes… stubbed toes… there were hurt feelings.. disappointment over the rain.. and cancelled bonfires..

…but there was also.. laughter .. games… late night talks.. talking in sleep… snow cones.. sundaes on Sunday… frog hunts.. snuggles… hugs… movie time… swimming… a small obsession with the kitten.. good food… some amazing fairy/gnome/snake houses craft time.. and a lot of new memories made…

Some people ask how me how I can do it?

Well?

I don’t do it by myself. My husband stayed this year for some of it. A couple of my Sisters-in-law stayed and pitched in. This helps with the mixed aged groups. And everyone sends food.

But over all?

I go into this weekend EXPECTING them to act like kids.. and then? I expect chaos. I plan certain activities to give them focus. I provide spaces for them interact.. I give them my expectations.. but give them the freedom to make choices.

And I don’t know? It just falls into place..

But what I do know?

I know that these kids all look forward to it every year… counting down the weeks until it happens.. talking about “next year”…

And every year.. I fall in love with these blessings who create huge messes a little bit more.. until my heart is near to bursting…

So this morning as I clean up beanbag “beans” in my living room.. mop my kitchen floor.. kill the flies buzzing my head… clean up the craft supplies in the garage.. and put away the bounce house..?

I find myself planning for next year…

…blank page…

img_1690So often, lately.. I have sat down to my computer to write.. and I simply stare at the blank page.

It’s not that I haven’t had a lot to say…

..and it’s not that I haven’t experienced enough to keep my mind racing…

…but sometimes? Sometimes even writers are too tired to write.

Spring time is Musical season in my house. As soon as the musical is chosen, my life is overtaken by set designs, character lists, auditions… and then rehearsals every day (it seems like), choreography, set build days on the weekends, painting the set, costume designs, costume runs, sewing costumes and searching for props…

.. and that doesn’t include encouraging the cast and crew to learn their lines and blocking.. and to be the best that they can be.

This year I added a full time job to my list of jobs. Even with the help of our amazing Music Director and all the parent volunteers? There were days that I worked from 8 am to 11:30 pm.

Yes.. I have been tired.

Recently someone asked me why I do it. If I get so tired? Then why keep my extra jobs?

Well?

Quite simply it is the kids.

Some of these kids come into the theatre with a lot to say.. a lot of experiences to talk about.. but they are staring at a blank page..

… not knowing how to express themselves..

I love to watch the musical come to life and to see the kids’ talent shine on our stage..

..but the MOST amazing thing?

The most amazing is watching these young people relax into themselves and learn to let themselves shine. They have the opportunity to help with building the set, working with lights, painting the set, designing costumes, organizing the backstage area.. some choose to step forward and take on a leadership role.. or help with choreography..

Endless opportunities..img_1501

.. and they rarely disappoint..

Ok.. ok… there is a week (ish) that we get a little worried (alright.. a LOT worried) that we will pull it together in time.. That we will have all the costumes and the props we need. That we will learn the sequence of lines in a tough scene… or that the choreography will be fluid…

.. but there is always that moment…

…the moment my veteran performer nails a tough character role… and blows us away..

… the moment you get chills from the emotion a student pours into their solo..

… the moment you forget the kids are acting because they are so genuinely in character…

.. and (of course) the moment the quietest person on your cast says their first line on stage with confidence …

… and they EXIT that stage with another page written in their own story. They exit with more confidence than they started.. more high fives… (too many bottlecaps.. more than likely).. hopefully a new skill… and a lot of memories.

I always remember the blank pages we started the season with.

Those blank pages?? They keep me going.. the writer in me is too curious to see what will be written next.. too hopeful of what will come … too amazed to look away…

Those blank pages will keep me coming back each season.

The obvious issue…

img_8646-1Last week, we drove to the frozen Northern coast of Michigan to see my daughter perform on stage.

…and yes… with it being December? There was snow… a lot of snow.

Yes… the beautiful upper peninsula of Michigan was very white.

Joking around with my son, I pointed to Lake Superior (with its chunks of ice) and asked him, “Hey Buddy… should we go swimming?”

He looked out the window at the huge waves and the snowy beach … “No.. no .. no.. wait a minute,” he told me, obviously appalled at my lack of good choices. “We CAN’T go swimming.”

Trying not to laugh at his tone, I asked seriously, “Why not?”

Annoyed, my son stated, “There are FISH in there.”

As if the FISH were the OBVIOUS reason we could NOT go swimming in Lake Superior in the middle of December.

After we all burst out laughing, I told him that it was “too cold” to go swimming anyway.

He looked at me for a second, then said, “Yeah, it’s too cold.” … like EVERYONE knew it was too cold.

It makes me laugh to see the world through my son’s eyes…

…but it also makes me think.

You see?

My son has Autism .. and he sees the whole world differently than I do. And it fascinates me. The things that I see as obvious? He looks past them. The things that I look past? He finds them fascinating…. and very important.

As a result, he makes me look at the world differently.. every day.

My son is a senior in high school this year. Which means that next year we will be heading down a different road. An unknown.. untraveled road …for us.

… and I admit… it looks a little bit like that windy beach… high waves crashing down on the sand.. limited visibility of the horizon???

Yeah… I have some worries.

My son wants to go to college. There are colleges for students with Autism… and there is even one in Michigan.

Even so…

.. there are still unknowns.. there always will be unknowns with mood disorders…

But… where I look at obvious worries and stop?

.. where I see obvious worries… my son looks beyond .. He sees the “cold weather” and the “waves” as a given… and looks beyond to the things that worry him.

So what I figure?

…if we have gotten through 18 1/2 years of wind and obstacles on this journey through life?

… Then maybe.. just maybe… we can help each get past the obvious issues.. I can help him past the fish and he can help me see past the cold…

…and we will make it through this new adventure together…

..and it will be beautiful….

 

 

these small hours…

img_6181Every once in awhile. A song comes along that speaks right to your heart.
For me?

Little Wonders“.. from a Disney soundtrack..

I love this song..

Our lives are made.. in these small hours.. these little wonders.. these twists and turns of fate.. time falls away.. but these small hours.. these small hours .. still remain..

Our family is a very busy family..

We are involved in Theater and Choir at school.. the international students .. Dance.. trombone lessons… cheerleading for a time.. and a big BIG family…

We don’t really end up with a lot of free time ..

But we DO have such wonderful times together.. in those minutes between activities.. our little conversations in the early mornings (before coffee has kicked in)… the conversations in the hall after school before theater rehearsal starts.. our conversations around the dinner table.. my kids jumping in the car to keep me company on the way to errands and meetings.. board games.. and sappy Christmas movies.. funny Snapchat videos.. and quick hugs between activities.. quick chats before bed.. phone calls from college between classes .. 

“Our lives are made in these small hours”.. these short moments.. the moments with my college girl.. my daughters across the sea.. my 2 exchange daughters.. my son .. the happy moments.. the sad.. the stressed .. the relaxed.. the laughter.. the love.. the heartaches…

…these are the little wonders of my life…

This week as we prepare to send another “exchange” daughter home .. home to her family.. we are overwhelmed with these little wonders.. the moments that have made up our lives over the last year.. the memories we have stored up…

Our hearts are full..

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Love you Bea!!

I am so thankful for all the “small hours” with you.. and with Sabrina,  Simon, Mariam, Olimpia, and Basak…

.. so many little wonders..