Growing up in a really big family … with lots of cousins… was such a huge blessing for me.

One of the best gifts my parents (and aunts/uncles) could have ever given me…

I might not have realized it as a kid… ha.. not in the midst of sharing my toys or having to compromise on what the play “plans” should be..

But those cousins were my first friends.

At first… because we had no choice. But later we were friends because we had fun together.

When we got together as kids, it wasn’t anything special. It was usually just us kids walking around the woods and enjoying the fun as we found it. But those days are the foundation of my life.

I learned so many friendship lessons through my cousins..

…like how to get past hurt feelings .. or anger… (Because we were definitely going to be spending more time together whether we forgave each other or not)..

… how to stick together and get your story straight (so we ALL told the same story about why one of us was bleeding) …

(… and one of us was USUALLY bleeding…)

BUT at the end of an exhausting day with those first friends?

I couldn’t help but smile… and my heart only stored the good moments and forgot everything else.

Today.. I learned that one of those first friends went home to Heaven… a lot earlier than any of us expected..

… a lot earlier than were prepared for…

My little cousin, Travis (who hasn’t been littler than me for quite some time) … went ahead of me to Heaven…

.. it still feels wrong…

… even as I know it’s true.

As I look back to all those memories together… I find myself remembering his larger-than-life personality as a small child.

He was younger than me by a little bit.. even if he wasn’t shorter than me for very long…

I remember how he always lived life to the fullest. When he was mad… he was fully mad… and when he was upset, he didn’t try to hide it… but THEN when he smiled it lit up his whole face… and when he laughed it filled up the space around him.

And oh how he loved to make people laugh.

As we all grew up… Travis changed a little.. (as we all did) Ha.. I never saw him get mad anymore.. but I would still see him shed a tear as he would tell his stories.. he still tried to make me laugh.. and he was always checking in on people and making sure they felt loved.

Earlier this summer, after my mom passed away, my little cousin stopped by several times during that week to check on us all… just to keep us company.

I am so glad for each and every one of those visits! I was glad then and I’m especially glad now…

He didn’t bring anything with him, and he didn’t make a big deal about coming over… he just came as he was…

… his love for us wasn’t anything fancy…

… it was just … there…

… larger than life… and loving us to his fullest..

So much love that his earthly heart just couldn’t hold it all.

… that love?

… is such a big part of who I am…