All posts by Jules Nelson

"But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19 KJV If ever there was a verse that could describe me? This verse would be it. I grew up in a large family of 5 brothers and 1 sister. Add in an honorary sister and brother, who joined our family before I was born and you have a wonderful childhood. I watch everything that goes on around me and think constantly. Until now, I have lovingly told these cherished memories and thoughts to only the closest of friends. I love my God... I love my family.. I love my friends.. and I love to laugh!
Life

Skin deep… 

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I don’t write about my daughter a lot.. Probably because I prefer to tell her tales of “terror” around the campfire … Where we can all laugh until we cry.. 

You see? The “legal adult” you all see before you? The beautiful, polite, smart, sweet, politically correct, top scholar? She was once a beautiful, smart, sassy, stubborn, strong willed, test-every-rule kind of girl… 

Yup.. 

I was so glad she out grew that Last year… 

All kidding aside? She has always been a great kid to raise.. (Except that time when she accused a kind old gentleman of trying to kidnap her.. Or the time she tipped the bookshelf over.. Sigh.. Or the time she screamed in the store bathroom that the dinosaurs were going to eat her.. Sigh.. Or the time she dumped all the shampoo, conditioner and body soap into the bathwater as an “experiment”… )

Ok .. Ok.. There were times that I questioned my ability to parent this child successfully.. 

And I think THAT is one of the reasons I don’t write about my daughter as much as my son.. 

I made a ton of mistakes.. 

One of the worst was the day my daughter told me she KNEW she wasn’t pretty.. 

Frustrated I asked her how she could KNOW that she wasn’t.. 

Her answer?

She stated (very matter-of-factly).. “Because YOU have never told me that I was pretty. Everyone knows that mothers ALWAYS think their children are beautiful no MATTER what .. So if my own mother doesn’t tell me I’m pretty.. Then I must be pretty ugly.” 

I remember my world froze in that moment.. 

After a moment of silence, my daughter shrugged her shoulders like the whole thing was no big deal.. 

… it WAS a big deal to me.. 

But it was also true.. 

Why? 

Why wouldn’t I tell my daughter she was beautiful? 

Well… This world is so hung up on our girls BEING beautiful.. That I wanted to emphasize everything that was below the surface with my girl.. Her intelligence.. Her kindness.. Her empathic heart.. Her natural leadership .. Her imagination… 

I wanted her to like who she WAS on the inside no matter what her outside looked like.. 

I was too intent on keeping her confident, humble and successful… And kind..

But in that moment I knew I had failed.. 

Every child likes to feel cherished by their mother.. And I had not given that need a thought.. 

So with tears in my heart (and in my eyes), I told her I thought she was the most beautiful girl .. And that I also thought she was beautiful for the girl she IS on the inside.. I explained that I hadn’t told her she was beautiful because I didn’t want her to think Beauty was the most important thing.. 

I told her I made a mistake.. That I should have told her both.. 

And then I hugged that beautiful girl to me.. 

I don’t know why God trusted me with this strong willed, stubborn, beautiful girl to raise.. 


But what a Blessing that He did… 

Life, Parenting, Special Needs, Uncategorized

Just wait and see.. 

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I have often been asked what I have planned for my son’s future. I always smile and reply “He wants to be a farmer..”

Most of the time people smile in return .. 

But sometimes there is an awkward silence and the inevitable.. “Do you really think he will be able to work? To hold down a real job?”

Yes.. 

Yes I do! 

And no I am not offended by this question.. 

You see? While my son has Autism (and a splash of bipolar).. His disabilities don’t own him. Simon is his own person and he knows what he wants.. He has known since he was 4. 

You may think Simon grew up in a farming community and THAT is why he wants to be a farmer. That he knows no difference.. Well THERE you would be mistaken. Our Simon grew up in a city from age 3 to 13.. 

Yup his love for farming seems to have been destined for him. 

So what did his father and I do? Well? We moved to a farming community back home in Michigan. 

Most people question our Sy’s ability to hold down a job because of his behaviors at school.. Freezing in doorways, anxiety over homework, refusals to take tests at times.. And wanting to go home. 

But you see? At school? 

At school, Simon knows he is behind his peers.. School work is hard… He doesn’t understand test questions because of the wording.. And sometimes (even IF he did understand them) he doesn’t know what they are asking.. He KNOWS he is built inadequate for school.. 

And YET? 

Yet you will see Simon get up every day and force himself to try to go to school. He can be close to tears in frustration over homework.. And yet he is one to INSIST he finish.. He pushes through anxiety, confusion and what ever distractions are around him (or distractions going on in his own head) to SUCCESS on the other side. 

That sounds like a job to me… 

At home, Simon is different. At home he is confident, creative, helpful.. He washes his own laundry, washes dishes, cooks whole meals, cleans the house, does chores, builds with his dad.. 

He does an amazing job!!

Not “pretty amazing” for a kid with autism.. 

JUST pretty amazing for a 17 year old.. Because he does it exactly the way I do.. (Or the way his dad does).. Exactly the way he was taught.. 

Then? Then he adds a slash of creativity.

This week, I woke my son to face another hard day at school. As I rubbed his back and talked about his day.. I told him I was going to teach him to drive our lawn mower after school. 

He sat straight up in bed and wiped the sleep from his eyes. “What did you say?” 

Smiling, I repeated that I thought he was old enough to learn to drive the lawn tractor to mow the lawn. 

The smile on his face made my heart happy..

He quickly got ready for his day.. Was still a little grumpy with his sister.. But went to school easily.. 

AFTER school? Well after school he quickly changed into his farmer hat and overalls, his John Deere shirt with long sleeves and farmer boots.. 

And our lessons began.. 

I admit I get nervous with vehicles.. The same nervousness I got when I taught my daughter to drive .. 

I ran from one side of the lawn mower to the other .. Pointing out how FAR the mower deck sticks out.. How to slow down.. How to stop.. How to speed up a little.. How to crank the wheel so you don’t crash.. 

The first 5 mins were nerve racking for me.. Because he learns best by doing.. So at a snail’s pace and yelling over the motor and earplugs.. I gave him on-the-go lessons.. 

And then he was off.. One circle around the yard and I moved the mower one notch faster.. He watched how I did that too… 

He looked for cars when he circled up into the road.. Kept the mower in a straight line.. He mowed next to the first stripe perfectly (or circled back to fix it.. Mowed around baby trees and big trees.. Power poles and ditches.. 

By the 3rd circle of the yard, I stopped following him.. He no longer needed me. 

After 4 hours? He was up to full speed (by his own choice) and the yard was flawless.. 


Not “pretty good” for a boy with autism..

Not “pretty good” for his first time.. 

It was pretty awesome.. No missed spots.. Straight lines..

 In fact?  My husband said he had to weed whack far less than when I mow.. 

I am not offended by that.. Just really proud.. 

But I am not surprised.. He always throws himself into his work.. And doesn’t stop until the work is done.. And done well.. 

We could use more workers like that in the world.. 

So YES… I think Simon will keep a job and support himself.. 

And yes, he will need support to start new adventures and to get through difficult situations.. Like doctor offices.. paperwork.. And paying bills.. 

But he will make it.. And it’s going to be amazing.. 

Not amazing for a kid with Autism..

Just plain amazing ..

But you don’t have to take my word for it.. Stick around .. 

…wait and you will see it for yourself.. 

Life, Memories, Parenting, Special Needs

Make a mark.. 

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  Once upon a time.. I bought a marker board to keep myself organized.. With 2 kids and an exchange daughter.. (2 of which were super busy all the time)..? 

YUP.. Our house was crazy busy.. 

So I found this marker board with slots for the days of the week.. It was perfect!!

..or so I thought.. 

You see.. After the first week of being organized? I started to slack off.. Just listing general activities.. 

Then slipped to weekly routines..

And then?

Ha.. Then names and messages started showing up. My exchange daughter signed her name.. And then her friend followed suit.. Then my niece added her signature (so I’d have it when she was famous).. 

Pretty soon? 

YUP.. Pretty soon there was no room left for a schedule.. In fact the schedule was erased .. 

When my exchange daughter flew home to Italy.. We couldn’t bear to erase the board.. Not one word.. 

Pinned underneath was a note from our very first exchange daughter..  All our pieces of heart.. All in one place..

 When our next exchange daughter signed her name to the board I smiled.. They all made their marks on our hearts.. so why NOT show it on our refrigerator too.. 

I think we all live our lives that way.. Wanting to make a mark on the world.. A mark SO IMPRESSIVE that no one will want to erase it.. 

A long time ago, I started out with grand ideas on how to do just that.. How to make my mark on the world. 

But then my life changed ..

My kids were born.. 

My youngest was born with Autism (and a splash of mood disorders).. So my career plans came to a halt.. And then a detour.. 

..my dreams of making a mark are still there.. 

But lately? Lately, I have been helping my daughter get ready for college.. And listening to my exchange daughters get ready for their exams.. 

ALL of them ready to make their mark on the world.. 

But the one you don’t see easily is my boy.. 

Behind the Autism.. And the smiles.. the quirks.. And the laughter.. Inside that boy lives a dream.. To be a farmer.. To get married .. To be a father.. To travel to Alaska and Egypt .. 

He EVEN has a checklist in his room.. complete with ages next to each goal.. 

You see? Even though his days are sometimes filled with anxiety and frustrations? Sometimes with more stumbles than successes? 

He WANTS to make his mark on the world.. A mark SO beautiful that NO ONE will want to erase it.. 

So my “mark” will wait.. While I help my kids make theirs.. 

Life, Parenting, Special Needs

Come sit…

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img_0311My son is rumored to have “special” needs..

Ok.. I know he has Special needs.. With Autism and a Mood disorder ? I’m not in denial.

But sometimes? Sometimes I think my boy has things figured out better than I do..

You see? When my son is stressed? He takes himself off alone and does something he enjoys until he calms down. Most often that “something” is a campfire. He can sit for hours just watching the flames dancing in the fire pit. And with a content smile on his face, he will call out to me.. “Come sit..”…

But usually? Usually I am too busy.. Getting dinner around or cleaning it up afterward.. or there are emails to answer… book promoting tweets to copy and paste… research to search for… schedules to plan for..

Yes I know… it doesn’t sound like much.. but it seems like there is always something that needs to be done.

Last week I was sick.. and so tired. So I just sat down.. and read a book. NOT skimmed through a book.. but slowly read each page and enjoyed it. Slowly fell in love with each character.. resisted the urge to read the last page… read every descriptive word…

It felt….??

Refreshing… and I was oh so calm.

So why is it that we give up “refreshments” as moms? or even just as adults? Why do I feel like I have to sacrifice my favorite things to be a good adult? I was able to DO so much more that following day because I was content and clear minded…

So maybe my son does have special needs… but I still learn so much from him.

 

Life, Uncategorized

Everywhere..

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At Easter we find ourselves celebrating with Eggs..
Eggs??

Colorful delicious Easter Eggs.. And sometimes chocolate eggs.. 
What do eggs REALLY have to do with God sending His Son to die for our sins? To pay for our pride, our envy.. Our jealousies.. Our gossips.. Our judging.. And our other sins we hope no one knows about..??
Well the Egg represents the New Life we find in Jesus .. WHEN we accept that sacrifice He made for us.. 
We make them colorful to represent that Blessings can make our lives so colorful .. WHEN we follow Jesus… 
And chocolate eggs represent.?? That life can be so sweet.. WHEN we have Jesus.. 
So this weekend as you see Easter Eggs everywhere you go? Let us remember that they represent New Life with Jesus… 
Happy Easter All.. And may God’s Love fill you this celebrated weekend..  

 

Life, Uncategorized

Tracks..

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after the storm..

I love to walk through my yard after a snow storm blows through. I know that you’ll agree that it’s always the prettiest when the snow is fresh and the sun shining bright.  But I am not always looking up to see the beauty.

Where else would I look (you ask)??

I am usually looking down.

You see.. while we are all bundled up inside our houses? All warm and safe? The world outside isn’t always as quiet as we think.

The first time I took water and food to my chickens.. right after a snow storm?? I stopped in surprise. All around me were paw prints and tracks through the snow. Trails going in all directions.  I saw squirrel tracks… and rabbit… deer trails by the dozens.. and coyote tracks on more than a few occasions.

Why would I find it cool to find coyote tracks in my backyard??

Well? Honestly they didn’t bother anything.. so why not?

The house that my husband works hard to provide for us.. and the protection that God gives us .. keeps us safe at night. So sometimes I find it interesting to see what dangers may have pass us by, in the night.

I sometimes think of my Faith as a type of house.

We sit inside of houses of Faith.. all safe and warm.. and blissfully unaware of the dangers that God directs around us. And unless we go outside our houses? Well unless we go out in our backyards.. we wouldn’t even know what dangers passed us right on by.

So why doesn’t God show us the dangers He protects us from? It certainly would scare more people into having Faith. But God says He wants us to come to Him willingly and freely. So He keeps those tracks hidden.

Now you are probably thinking.. What about the bad things that happen to those with Faith? Does that mean their Faith failed them?

I don’t have the answers to that.

I have had my share of troubles in this world. Bad experiences, medical emergencies, scares… I could go on.. and on…  So does that mean that I lacked Faith and God kept His protection to Himself?

Nope.

I felt protection. I was overwhelmed.. but felt protected.

The Bible promises us that “Everything will Be Beautiful in its time.” But until that time? Until the moment that I realize why bad things happen to the Faithful?

Until then, I will count the number of trails that go away from my house.. and be thankful for them.

Life

Feeling good .. 

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So I don’t usually like to post pictures of myself.. (I don’t really photograph well anyway.. As is the evidence in the pictures included).. And I don’t put much stock in physical appearance .. But today I have decided to make an exception..

6 months later

Some of my friends have been following my journey over the last year.. Some have followed it since further back.. I have some of the best supporters .. And I have some skeptics in my life..

But here is the truth of my journey..

My whole life I have fought with eating and being hungry.. But in a different way then usual. You see? I am never hungry and would often forget to eat until evening. If I forgot to eat 3 meals a day?? Well then I would gain anywhere between 1-3 pounds a DAY.. It was very frustrating for me.

While I lived in Missouri a doctor started treating my thyroid and it helped some.. Until the meds stopped working..

This last summer I finally went to the nutritionist that I take my kids to. He tested me for food intolerances and vitamin deficiencies .. Among others.. And he suggested a different approach to treating my thyroid.

I won’t give you the LONG story (unless you ask).. but 6 months later? 6 months later I feel great..

I have people who tell me the “fuss” isn’t worth it.. I have others who say I look amazing and to keep it up..

But to me? Not feeling sick when I eat.. Having more energy?? That is all that matters!! Being skinny isn’t important to me.. And having people tell me I look good is only mildly rewarding..

What does matter is when a friend told me my eyes looked clear and “alive”.. THAT is the reason I will continue to eat this crazy “eating lifestyle” and continue using natural medicine ..

 .. Everything else is just a bonus..

Parenting, Special Needs, Uncategorized

We got by.. 

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Yesterday was a long day for My Simon.. We jam packed every minute full.. And he had to get through his whole day at school knowing what he had “endure”… But after getting through his school day (albeit loudly)… And was somewhat patient through my Audition workshop after school.. I watched him walk independently into his trombone lessons with a new instructor.. And he rocked it.. 
I know some of you are probably thinking ..”ok?!? My kid does that everyday..” And that makes me happy.. I love to see kids be successful whether it comes easy for them or if it’s more of a struggle.. But for my boy? He struggled to learn even basic skills like talking.. Doors were always a struggle to walk through.. But he was drawing by age 18 months.. He could write the whole alphabet .. But not utter a word.. So yes! We celebrate every success..

This morning I have been thinking back to my early years as Simon’s mom.. When it felt like it was me and Sy against the world.. When I could see my boy so clearly at home (when it was just us).. Only to watch how he would disappear when we walked through the doors to go into the outside world… 

This song that the Johnny Orr Band sings (We’ll get By).. Makes me tear up for 2 reasons.. First because I remember that feeling.. Being close to tears of frustration SO often but knowing that we were going to make it. Secondly? Because we have gotten by.. And we have come so far. 

Simon has come so far from the boy who needed to be held in public because the stimulation made him bury his face into my shoulder.. Watching him walk through a “door”.. into a room with a new person.. and being successful at showing his skill with his trombone?? Yup.. we’ve gotten by.. 

  
But before you tell me how great of a mother I am.. His success isn’t mine.. God has always put some of the best people into Simon’s life (and mine).. People who help challenge him and support him.. But mostly? Mostly.. Simon is one of the strongest people I know.. He holds himself to such high standards and pushes himself forward when I am tempted to let him have a “break”.. 

So while I have shed so many tears of frustration .. while trying “to get by”.. I wouldn’t have traded a single one.. I love the son I was Blessed with.. 

Life, Uncategorized

all is well.. 

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This is the last hour of my vacation.. And I am sitting here thinking about what this time meant for me and my kids.. 
… 3 years ago we had lived so far from family that we spent every moment of our vacations with our extended family and cousins.. Enjoying our time.. When we moved home.. It was so great to see everyone so often, that the tradition continued .. 

This week, we took our first small family vacation.. Taking our Grandpa  will us too.. We spent so much time together bonding and laughing.. it felt amazing. It was good for my kids to only have each other to interact with.. It was so good for both of them.. 

But it was also good for me..

For the first time in forever? I had no responsibilities.. Nothing to do.. No job or tasks.. And no other souls to tend to.. Just mine .. just my kids.. And it felt really good.. 

So as I sit here drinking my coffee.. with my less than delicious soy creamer.. I realize that resting is so good for the soul… 

I know .. I know.. You are thinking that Disney world and resting don’t go hand in hand.. Crazy crowds.. crazy rides.. Crazy agendas.. It doesn’t sound like resting.. But for me it was 

 .. There was nothing to clean, nothing to fix, nothing to organize .. No driving.. No multitasking. We did walk almost 100 miles over 5 days.. And we were all tired at the end of the day .. But it felt so good…

.. so resting the soul is good.. And I need to schedule it in again.. Sooner than 15 years this time.. 

Life

Thankful ..

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This is the first year in a long time that I have not done the 30 days of thankfulness.. (At least not on Facebook).. 
..but every day .. I wake up in this crazy life of mine and thank God for my Blessings.. The picture lists so many of my Blessings and is so fitting.. 
Today I am so thankful for everyone in my life.. I am thankful for God in my life .. Thankful that He forgives me so that I may forgive others.. I am thankful for 2 less than perfect parents that were perfect for me and taught me so much in life.. I am thankful for 6 real biological siblings that were my first friends and defenders.. Without them I could not imagine my life.. I am thankful for my many cousins.. My second friends and the foundation of so many memories .. I am thankful for my aunts, who steered me and guided me with love and laughter.. Especially my Aunt Dianne who I miss daily.. I am thankful for uncles who sheltered me and showed me what to look for in a spouse .. 
I am thankful for adopted sisters .. My sisters of the heart.. Without them life on this earth would not be as bright.. I am thankful for friends far and near.. Friends I see every day.. And friends I rarely talk to.
I am thankful for my husband who provides for his family without fail and strives for perfection.. I am thankful for my oldest child.. Sabrina is strong willed, sassy, smart, loving and simply amazing.. I am thank ful for Simon.. Smart, artistic, and so helpful.. Sy’s life is NOT easy at all, YET he has a smile on his face every day and strives to be successful.. We could all learn something from him. I am thank ful for my Mariam and Olimpia!! These girls are daughters in my heart.. The time they spent in our home has forever engraved them in my life .. I am thank ful for my 17 nieces and nephews.. Each one of them are unique and amazing.. I could not possibly love them more.. 
I am thankful for my second parents, Carol and Barry .. I could not have asked for more loving and supportive people to take me into their family. I am thankful for my little sister Kate! My world traveling sister.. An amazing, giving soul who is as beautiful on the inside as on the outside .. I am thankful for the whole NELSON clan who are a wonderful group of people to know and call family. 
I am thankful for the ability to write.. And the opportunity to publish a book.. I am thankful for the many hats I wear.. I love helping exchange students feel comfortable during their stay in the US.. I love watching preschoolers grow and learn during music and movement classes each week.. I am so thankful for my theatre group at MV.. Past and present.. These performers are beautiful souls that amaze me every time I see them in action.. I am so blessed to be their director .. 
And tomorrow we leave on a family vacation.. The last vacation before my daughter graduates from high school. I am so thankful for the opportunity to spend this time with my kids .. And for the financial security to make it happen.. 

Today I pray that you feel Blessed and loved.. I am thankful for each and every one of you!!!